I've been experimenting with a poem that many of you unwittingly helped with. I was thinking about Haikus and how noone writes serious ones so I decided to try. I realized that it is IMPOSSIBLE so I instead came up with this idea. A few lines are original but the rest are quotes from published work, the board in our class and some of your poems. I manipulated them slightly in a few places. Anyway since it's kind unorthodox I'm very curious about how it works. Any feedback would be great.
-Mike
Random Lines from Poetry Workshop
Romanticized Nostalgia
Long gone are the days
of marble men and maidens
and Prometheus.
Exodus
I cannot hear it
pluming, as the years skimmed
strict diets of toads.
Rapid Detachment From Real
Spawned inside Al Gore:
Check a few emails, Facebook
we search for meaning.
Magic Numbers (slash) Writing’s Hard
Revisions: 3 poems
Consider the seven sins
science won’t save you.
Really About The Speaker
Pop smoked Marlboros.
From these mortal reminders
the cantata mutes.
Where Are The Prosodic Symphonies
Reality TV:
The death of our eloquence,
a trite eulogy.
Edenic Loss
Sing heavenly muse:
The breakfast of champions!
Brackish new and old.
Box Side Bullshit
Saturated fat
and other useless info.
Fuck nutrition facts.
Aching For An Epiphany
I’m still here hoping
the world is more than concrete.
I’m still so tired.
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Hey Mike,
ReplyDeleteCool stuff man. I used to love to write haiku but it's hard to write serious ones (like you said). I would always end up writing about like bananas or cats, something dumb. If I get some time amongst endless papers I'll post some of my old haiku.
i like this.
ReplyDeleteit reminds me of brian clements' stuff. But i think you should kind of lean away from the haiku form. Some of them seem to work really well, but I think some of them would be even better with less words and/or lines. or more. i enjoy "box side bullshit" and "rapid detachment from real". i can see this becoming a little book or portfolio, maybe i'm still stuck on brian clements but i could see these turning into something like "and how to end it". anyways, nice job, hope this helps.
Thanks for the feedback. I was also curious about how indiviudal titles within the poem work.
ReplyDeleteI like the concept of the titles but I think it depends on if you want the poem to flow more or retain seperate ideas.
ReplyDelete